I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
