grandma shit on top of the toilet
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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