Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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