Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
