I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
