Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
