I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
