You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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