saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
