just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i've created a new STD.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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