i just had sex bonerless
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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