I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
