i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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