she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
