Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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