Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
