if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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