Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
