did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
