omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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