just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
