I will die if light touches me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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