I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
