you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
