I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
