to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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