Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
