i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
