i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
