a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
