Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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