24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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