i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
