some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We got so high we made milksteak
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
