I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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