Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
