Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
