Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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