From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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