You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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