That's intense
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
