I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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