I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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