guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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