so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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