dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
