Plan B is the new Plan A
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
