I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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