I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
