During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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