i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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