Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
