i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
