I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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