this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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