the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They should really pass out barf bags in church
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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