Betty ford says i'm here all night
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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