I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
