god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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