she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Panties = found
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
