a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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