I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
