I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
