I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
