Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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