why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
