she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
