I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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