life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
