All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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