Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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