Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
