ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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