My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
