my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
