she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
