Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
