how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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