the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
