I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
