shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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