I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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