I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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