In America we eat man semen.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
