I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
