She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
