I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
